As the hours and minutes wind down ...

It's 1:50 a.m. the day of my brain surgery. Not surprisingly, I can't sleep. But I will. Rather, I will lay in bed and watch my son sleep.

It's happened so quickly. Just weeks ago I was told that I was having brain surgery. Hell, just 9 months ago I was told I have a brain tumor.

Tumorrow (yes, I am trying to be funny at 2 a.m.), barring any complications, I will be tumor free. That's the exciting part.

My friends had a HUGE benefit for me on Saturday. I am too tired to get completely into it. But it was rad! Friends from near and far have donated and attended the benefit (er ... super wicked awesome party). I was showered with gifts (chocolate, flowers, wine, frilly things, dances, etc.) and I was most definitely showered with all sorts of love.

I have been in an overwhelmed daze since then.

But in a mere 3 hours Emily will pull up and Harry and I will leave with her. She'll take us to the hospital.

I will spend my last minutes before brain surgery with my son, my mom, Emily and Sammi.

I want to cry. But then again, I want to jump for joy at the idea of this whole thing being over soon.

I'm scared, even though I know I am in good hands. Even though mounds and mounds and tons and tons of good thoughts are out there for me. Hundreds of prayers. Mountains of well wishers. A team of highly experienced medical professionals. Yet, I am still anxious and scared.

And I already miss my son.

Really, as much as I love my friends and family, my son is the only reason I am doing this. I am doing this to literally save my life. Am I scared I will lose my life (or quality of life) doing so? Of course.

But I can't be. I have a little boy to live for. I have to do this. I must.

I didn't get everything I wanted to get done, done. My work load at the office is all squared away. But my home is a wreck. It's just so frazzled and untidy at the moment. My housekeeper (who incidentally will be donating her services whilst I am out of work) will be here whilst I am in the hospital, but I just haven't had the time (or notion, really) to take care of some things.

I am fully relying on my friends to continue to help me in the endeavor, and I will trust I will come home to a perfectly comfortable recovery haven.

I can't begin to name all the people who have come through for me. You all know who you are - and so do I. That's all that matters. For now.

I am going to go suffocate my son like a mama Panda Bear does. Not really, because that would be horrible, but I am definitely going to go snuggle with him. Even though he's been asleep for hours.

The next time I will be writing will be when I have the energy after surgery. My goal is to write again very very very soon.

Sammi and Emily will be making updates on the Saying Goodbye To Joey's Brain Tumor facebook group.

Ancora Imparo!

P.S. I am sorry if you have called, texted or facebooked today and I haven't responded. Like I said, I have been overwhelmed (in a good way) with well wishes. I will respond to all of you in due course.